


Outside

by faeleverte



Category: Life (TV)
Genre: Bottom Charlie, Bottom Ted, Fluff, Found Family, M/M, Mentions of Past Assault, Mentions of prison life, Mostly Fluff, Top Charlie, Top Ted, blink and you miss it angst, little tiny bit of angst, mentions of what Charlie did in prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:06:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21698959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeleverte/pseuds/faeleverte
Summary: They'd met Inside. They'd...not loved, exactly. Love wasn't an emotion to be felt, Inside. But they'd cared. And they'd bonded. And then Charlie found Ted again, once they were Outside.A lot more emotions were allowed Outside.
Relationships: Charlie Crews/Ted Earley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Outside

Ted hunched over the breakfast bar, slurping his cereal as he stared blankly at the front page of the financial section. There was nothing interesting to see there, but it was slightly less boring than staring at the counter. Or the blank walls. Which– they really _did_ need to get some artwork up, already. And maybe some furniture. Something. To tone down the echos. Too many echos. Sounded like a… like something with cinderblock walls and concrete floors and…

“Morning.” Charlie’s sleepy mumble dragged Ted out of his head before he could drift too far into the past. “Sleep well?”

“Better than you, from the looks of it.” Ted eyed the bags under Charlie’s eyes, trying to determine if he’d gotten _any_ sleep the night before. “You came in late.”

Charlie opened his mouth, eyes wide and bright, as if he was preparing to spew more of the Zen babble he used to deflect. Ted took a breath to cut him off, not knowing what he was going to say, but knowing he wasn’t going to listen to the bullshit. But before either of them made a sound, Charlie was just _there_ , in Ted’s space, leaning down entirely too close.

“Thanks for waiting up.” Charlie’s voice was soft, intimate. And then his lips brushed Ted’s, lightly, softly, contact barely there. 

Ted froze, not breathing, feeling Charlie’s exhale tickle across his cheek. Before he could entirely wrap his brain around what had happened, Charlie had escaped back across the room, heading toward the stairs.

“No… Charlie…” Ted stood up and reached out, but Charlie was out of reach and moving further away fast. Ted gave chase across the living room.

“I’m sorry, Ted. I just… I wasn’t thinking.” Charlie kept retreating, even as he spewed out an awkward apology. “I forgot to be in the now. I just thought… No, I wasn’t thinking.” Charlie’s foot was on the bottom step before Ted caught up. 

“Stop, don’t… Charlie, wait.” Ted snagged Charlie’s arm, dragging backward hard and reaching out with his other hand to cup the side of Charlie’s face. “I didn’t have time to–” He cut himself off by pulling Charlie toward him, leaning forward as he did so, to fit their lips back together. 

This time Charlie froze, and Ted had a moment to panic, to wonder if the previous apologies weren’t for Ted’s benefit but had been for _Charlie’s_. He started to pull away, and suddenly Charlie’s soft lips moved, tightened and relaxed, slid against Ted’s and opened, tugging lightly at Ted’s bottom lip.

Someone groaned, and neither of them would ever be able to say who it had been, but instantly they both began clutching, running their hands over one another’s backs, sliding palms up chests, fingers combing through each other’s hair and edging under the hems of t-shirts. Ted found himself pressed to the wall, bannister digging into his kidneys, and he couldn’t be bothered to pull away long enough to complain. 

Charlie’s mouth was hot and wet and insistent, and, had Ted ever been asked, he would _not_ have guessed that Charlie kissed _like that_. Of course, Ted wasn’t sure he’d have guessed that anyone could kiss like that. _He_ had certainly never been kissed that way before. Not by any woman. And maybe he should have been kissing guys all along, if this was what it was like to kiss men. Maybe he should try to pick up some men, do a little research. Maybe he could...

Their hips moved forward at the same time, creating friction that made Charlie exhale hard and Ted gasp. For the first time, Ted realized he had _missed_ that feeling, hardness against his hip, against the hardness in his own pants. He’d missed having a partner whose, well, _interest_ was so obvious. Missed the interested partner being Charlie.

“Not here, not here.” Ted panted the words against Charlie’s temple as Charlie mouthed at his neck. “Come on, we have a bed… we have a choice of beds.” Of course there were beds; they were home. Home. Where it was safe. And private. Where they could take their time. “We could… We should try this horizontal. And naked. Shit, Charlie, we can get _naked_ this time.”

“That'll be fun,” Charlie answered, pulling away with hot eyes and a curve to the corner of his lips. That smile could have been excitement, but Ted wasn’t sure if he was reading Charlie right or just seeing what he wanted to see. Charlie always tried to be so damned enigmatic, and, if Ted was wrong about Charlie wanting this– wanting _him_ – well, that would hurt later. After they did… whatever they were about to do. 

“Come on," Charlie said in a deep, husky voice. "My bed’s closer.”

Ted let himself be dragged up the steps by his wrist, wondering when Charlie had gotten so unreadable. Sure, he’d been stoic in prison. Made sense, really. Emotion inside was dangerous. Emotions other than anger, anyway. That was why Ted had been such an easy target, his visible fear. Why he’d needed rescuing. Maybe that was why Charlie had offered protection. And friendship. And also more– only sometimes, so very rarely, just a handful of times, really. Pinned against a wall together, release and the nearest facsimile of physical intimacy they could manage in such a place, where sex could get you killed. Where being known to have sex could get you raped. Openly being known as sexually willing could lead to so much worse than the everyday terrors. 

Ted started to tense up, about to ask if this was really such a good idea, and then Charlie turned and reached out with his free hand to trail his fingers along Ted’s cheek.

“You’ve always been here for me, Ted.” He stepped in close for one more fast, hard kiss. “I don’t… I couldn’t… You’ve always been here for me.”

Ted's fears melted like ice in the warmth of Charlie's bright, birdlike gaze, and he nodded and let himself be led.

Those were the last words either of them spoke until they were stripped to their skin and stretched across Charlie’s bed, on their sides, face to face, nothing touching but their fingers linked between them. 

____

Ted and Charlie each dealt with prison differently, now that they were out. Which was logical, as they were very different people. And of course there was also the issue of Ted’s guilt and Charlie’s innocence. (Not that Charlie had stayed innocent. Not on the inside. Not when Ted had come along and needed Charlie to _not_ be innocent.) To move on from his time inside, Charlie tried to– not embrace the experience. Not exactly. Incorporate it, maybe. Accept that he was in prison before and now he was out. Assimilate what happened, where he’d been. Make it part of the story of himself. He knew it shaped him, who he was, how he saw things, but he refused to let it define him.

At least, that was what Charlie told himself in order to keep getting out of bed every morning. 

Ted threw himself into trying to forget, but, of course, forgetting was impossible, so all he _really_ did, as far as Charlie could tell, was spend every day deluding himself into thinking that this– their life together in the stupidly big, incredibly empty house– was normal. 

Charlie was pretty sure it was no more effective that his own method of pretending to rise above.

He thought of Ted as he’d first seen him: curled up in a ball like a soft little hedgehog without any quills, bleeding on the floor, jumpsuit half torn off of him. He wasn’t making a sound, and _that_ was what caught Charlie’s attention. Ted was soft, sure, but he was a big man, tall. He should have been able to fight, at least a bit, but he couldn’t. Hadn’t. Whatever.

Either way, he refused to give into the beating, refused to give anyone the satisfaction of hearing him cry out. And that was… impressive. Unusual and therefore _interesting_.

There wasn’t a lot of choice left at that point, and Charlie sighed and caved to the inevitable, wading in to pull Ted’s chestnuts out of the figurative fire. 

Afterward, Ted didn’t speak to anyone, Charlie included, not even to say thanks, for five days. 

Charlie was man enough to admit that he was fascinated, and then, when Ted spoke enough to prove that he was a sarcastic little shit, Charlie was also man enough to admit that he became a little… smitten.

“So I hear you’re in for financial stuff,” Charlie had said as he leaned back against the wall in the yard, eyeing the sky suspiciously. It never seemed very blue when he looked up while Inside. No matter how sunny the day, no matter how hot the yard, the sky was always terribly drab. “White collar. What are you doing _here?_ ” He’d given up on Ted answering, but Ted followed him around like a lost puppy, so Charlie kept talking to him. It freaked Charlie out less than talking to himself had.

“Because I’m an _example_ ,” Ted had replied, folding his arms over his chest and sighing. “They want to make sure that no one else gets as clever as I did, manages to work the numbers like I did.”

“Do you think it’ll work?” Charlie decided not to comment on Ted breaking his unspoken– Ha!– vow of silence for fear he’d go back to it. It was _nice_ to have someone to talk to. “Do you think it’ll keep anyone from doing what you did?”

“Nobody else could do it if they tried.” Ted’s tone was sardonic, but his eyes twinkled, and one corner of his mouth nearly twitched up. In that moment, he was beautiful, so full of life and color and so _real_.

For the first time in eight years, Charlie had smiled.

In the very real present, lying naked in bed beside Charlie, that same little twitch of a smirk tugged at the edges of Ted’s lips. Charlie leaned forward to rub the tip of his nose against Ted’s, still finding that look irresistible. Ted closed the distance, pressing their mouths together, mouth curving against Charlie’s. Charlie felt his own answering smile grow, turning their kiss into a mere lip-bump of happiness.

“So what do you wanna do now that we’re here?” Charlie wiggled his whole body closer to Ted, basking in the warmth of skin nearly touching skin. Sure, he’d shared his bed, _this bed_ , with other bodies, but none of the women (or the very few men) had ever made him feel so content. Contentment was the most underrated sexual experience, Charlie thought as he gazed at Ted’s soft smile and warm brown eyes. Here was the one person in the world that Charlie had never had to pretend around, and it stirred up something warm and easy under his ribs. He closed his eyes against the wave of something too-much that threatened to sink him.

“I dunno.” Ted’s fingers tightened once around Charlie's before letting go. A moment later, his thumb traced the curve of Charlie’s bottom lip and Charlie nipped at the pad without opening his eyes. Ted chuckled before he went on. "We haven’t… We never got very far before. And I haven’t… I never wanted to. Not with a guy. Not with a guy that isn’t _you_.” 

“Am I your gay exception, Ted?” Charlie opened his eyes to find himself staring into Ted’s brown eyes from both entirely too close and entirely not close enough.

“I don’t know what you are, Charlie. I don’t know what we are to each other, but…” Ted’s lips tightened in that almost smile that Charlie had fallen for inside. Not that Ted knew he’d fallen. Not that Charlie would ever admit that out loud to anyone. Lying there with Ted, though, it was okay for Charlie to think it again, to wallow in it inside the quiet of his own mind.

Maybe Ted could read his mind, though, because his smile grew a little bit wider, and his happiness made him even more handsome. Charlie again leaned across the last inch to get another taste of that smile; it was just as nice as he’d always imagined it would be, all the thousands of times he’d imagined it. Inside and Outside.

____

Ted had spent far more time than he should have pondering Charlie’s mouth: the shape, the texture, the weird shit that came out of it, the wetness inside of it. How it would taste or feel or _be_ , if they ever closed the gap. 

There had been no chance of that happening, however. Not when they barely looked at each other’s eyes while they rutted together, one of them braced against a wall in a dim, out of the way corner, jumpsuits open, hands moving in tandem. And there was no way to make it happen while they took turns on their knees.

And damn, how Ted had both dreaded and looked forward to that. Going first meant frustration and desperation, trying to hurry through to get to his own turn. Going second meant trying to stay partially upright, to think of what Charlie would like, when he really wanted nothing more than to go find his bunk and curl up with his stupidly thin blanket and a dreamy smile. Afterglow was a luxury he’d gone without, inside.

Once he was outside, he went without afterglow owing to his lack of the sex that would have had to come before. 

He’d gone without a lot of things, back outside, until Charlie got out, too, and went looking for him. Money, for one. Companionship for another. And self-respect, human dignity most of all. As soon as he was out, barely enough money left to live on, Ted headed into a bar and tried to drown his sorrows.

If only the damn things hadn’t learned to swim. 

Several months after Ted had begun his experiment as a non-functioning alcoholic, Charlie slid into the seat across the booth from him, face hard and tired and lost and so, so beautiful that Ted was certain it was just another hallucination. Ted had stared into his beer, blinking back the tears as the loss of Charlie, the last person to treat him like a Real Person (™), washed over him once again. 

And then Charlie, strong, sure Charlie, had cupped the side of Ted’s face, lifting his chin until their eyes met again.

“Are you really here?” Ted asked, covering the back of Charlie’s hand with his own. So damned cold, Charlie’s fingers. Always so stupidly cold.

“I am here, Ted.” Charlie had smiled then, small and weak but very real. His bright eyes looked pinched and worried at the edges, though, and that wasn’t right. Charlie didn’t _do_ worried; it interfered with his Zen thing.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” Ted had tried closing one eye to make three of the Charlies vanish so he could try to figure out if the one left was real. “Did I die? Oh shit, did _you_ die? You can’t be dead, Charlie. You didn’t do it, and that damn place shouldn’t have been able to kill you.”

“No Ted. I’m not dead.” Charlie squinted, as if checking the truth of that statement, and that expression, part confused and part determined, was so very Charlie that Ted finally had begun to believe the whole thing was really happening. “I got out. They figured out I didn’t do it. So I’m out. But I need you. I need you to come be clever. Work the numbers for me.”

“I can’t do that, Charlie.” Ted finally pulled away from Charlie’s fingers, tears welling up at the loss of contact. Mainly he wanted to cry from fear, however. “I can’t touch money. I don’t wanna go back in, Charlie. Especially if you’re not there. They’ll kill me, if you’re not there.”

“It’s my money, Ted.” Charlie shifted around the booth to sit beside Ted, and Ted scooted away, suddenly self-conscious as he tried to remember the last time he’d showered. “All mine. Legally gotten. And you can play with it all you want. Just… take care of it for me. Help me buy a house.” Charlie scowled a little and then brightened. “You can live there, too. I’ll put you up in the garage.”

Ted had laughed at that and considered closing that gap between their lips at last when Charlie smiled at him, that same tiny lift to the corners of his small, beautiful mouth. But he figured he smelled like an open sewer– God knew his mouth tasted like one– and it wouldn’t be fair to Charlie to kiss him like that. Not when Charlie was finally out. Finally free. Beautiful Charlie, he deserved good things, and Ted was _not_ , especially at that moment, anywhere need good.

“Come on, Ted.” Charlie had caught his arm and pulled lightly, sliding out of the booth and coaxing Ted to come along with him. “Let’s go get us a home.”

Home sounded nice. And, if Charlie was there, Ted’d be safe. Probably. Most likely. All he had to do was figure out how to make his feet work. Thankfully, Charlie– clever, strong, handsome Charlie– had known how to make Ted’s feet work. He’d known how to get Ted angled toward the door of the bar. He’d known how to get Ted outside and into a car. 

“I knew you were smart, Charlie,” Ted had thought. Hell, maybe he’d said it. It was all a bit blurry under the weight of several months of too much booze and too little food or rest. “I knew you could save me again. You’re smart. And good at people. And protecting. And you’re strong and you’re handsome. And I didn’t think I was gonna get to see you again. I didn’t think you’d get here soon enough to save me this time found.”

Ted still wasn’t sure about anything that had happened after that. But he did know that waking up to room service breakfast and a fluffy bathrobe in a luxury hotel, finding himself freshly showered, teeth brushed (and brushed again as soon as he got up) was a miracle he wasn’t going to forget in a hurry. The biggest miracle of that morning had been seeing Charlie waking up beside him, smiling that warm little smile in spite of the bruise on his arm where Ted had held on far too tightly, all night long. 

"You didn't believe I was here," Charlie had said when Ted began to apologize. "I don't mind. Not if it helped you sleep."

Two years after being rescued from that dead-end bar, in the home they shared, Ted suddenly had another miracle in the form of Charlie’s mouth. That quirky, sharp, talented (God, he was getting harder just remembering how talented it had become while they were inside) mouth pressed against his own, tongue teasing along the edges of Ted’s teeth. Ted’s hands reached out of their own accord to drag Charlie closer, tucking the hard planes of Charlie’s body against the softness of his own. They fit together surprisingly well.

One part of him still worried about what was to come– errrr, how they were going to come. He had never looked at another man, before _or_ after prison. But Charlie… Charlie was different. Charlie had overwritten the pain left by other men, with their hands and their feet and their mouths and their… Charlie overwrote all the pain. It didn’t matter where it’d come from. Charlie made it better. Kept Ted from getting hurt again. Sometimes Charlie gave Ted pleasure just because he wanted to, because he thought Ted needed a little gentleness. 

There though, in their house without the prison walls around them, Ted wondered if he could still trust Charlie to keep the hurt– and all those memories– at bay.

And then Charlie’s hand slid lower, offering a tight, gun-calloused grip that was _just right_ , and Ted quit worrying about memories of pain and started worrying that the present would feel much too good, much too fast.

____

Charlie didn't mean to laugh when Ted came; judging by the sulky glare Charlie got, Ted didn't appreciate it. Charlie did, though. Appreciate it. Well, appreciated Ted's face when he came. The way his eyes went wide and shocked, how his mouth fell open, all fishy and limp, the way ten years and jail dropped off of the lines around his eyes and across his forehead. 

So Charlie laughed and pressed a sloppy, unhurried kiss to the corner of Ted's mouth before leaning back against his pillow and thoughtfully licking one finger. Ted squawked like he was dying, so Charlie licked another finger, just to make him squawk again.

"You realize that's like... _it_ for me today, right?" Ted rolled onto his back and slapped both hands over his face, muffling his next words. "Maybe by tonight, if I drink plenty of fluids, get some rest. I mean, if you don't... if this isn't... Oh, and I guess I should..."

“Hey, hey, _shh_.” Charlie paused to wipe his hand on a corner of the sheet and then slid across the bed to wrap one arm over the soft swell of Ted’s belly. He’d lost so much of his mass in prison; Charlie had felt it melting away under the ugly orange jumpsuits whenever he’d dared to touch, and it’d pained him then. Ted was _supposed_ to be like _this_ : soft and warm, pliable above the swell of muscle he carried across his frame, with just enough cushioning and give under Charlie’s palm. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m just… enjoying you. Enjoying you enjoying yourself. Enjoying you enjoying me enjoying yourself. I’m just enjoying.” _Shut up, Charlie._ “Just… just be here with me, Ted. Just be with me in _this_ moment. This is a good moment.”

Ted lowered his hands and turned to study Charlie’s face, suspicion still etched deep on every feature. 

“You’re not laughing at me?” 

“Of course not, Ted.” Charlie felt his smile turn softer, dopey. “Why would I laugh at you when I did that to you?”

“And this is… well, it _is_ a pretty good moment, Charlie.” The tension oozed out of Ted’s muscles, and he appeared to uncurl, letting Charlie cuddle in closer still. 

“It’s the best moment, Ted. Because we’re in it, and we’re happy.” Charlie thought for a moment and decided to risk sliding his knee across Ted’s thighs, sealing their bodies together like perfectly-cut puzzle pieces. 

“We are happy, aren’t we.” Ted shifted to put one arm behind his head and shove the other under Charlie’s neck. “We’re happy right in this moment.”

Charlie closed his eyes and sighed, content.

____

Ted rested until the tingling in his fingertips and lips and the end of his nose faded away and then wiggled his toes to see if he could feel them again. Seemed so. He rested his cheek against Charlie’s golden-red hair and tried to relax. It had been a very long time since Ted had orgasmed in company. So very long since he’d had a touch other than his own; it felt even better than he remembered. He shifted until the hand behind Charlie’s head could reach Charlie’s freckled shoulder, letting his fingers trace idle patterns. Yeah, he could relax like this, get comfortable, enjoy the moment.

But there was one _very_ uncomfortable place on his body that was just _not_ going to let him sleep until it was _dealt with_. Charlie’s arousal was quite evident where it dug into the side of his leg.

“Uhh, Charlie.” Ted shifted his hips slightly, first away from and then toward the pressure against the nerve. “You should… I could… Something needs to be done with that.”

“It’s not pressing.” Charlie’s eyes were closed, and Ted quirked his mouth into a smile as he watched the splay of pale lashes against freckled cheekbone. He could read the hint of humor in the tuck to the corner of Charlie’s lips, Charlie’s amusement at the double entendre.

“Yeah, it really is.” Ted wriggled again, and Charlie’s ears turned pink. “It’s pressing pretty hard, and I bruise very easily, Charlie.”

“What do you suggest, Ted?” And, oh, the casual tone. The same voice Charlie used when he threw his offensive Zen at people. The same kind of dare, clearly, and Ted decided to accept that challenge. 

He grinned and twisted, climbing over Charlie’s body and kissing that tantalizing, sharp-edged, soft-lipped, pink mouth one more– bruising, vicious, violent– time. Charlie cracked a little under him, his breath huffing out in a quiet moan and then being sucked back in with a small whine. One bright blue eye opened a crack as Ted forced himself to leave Charlie’s mouth and carefully crawl lower down the bed. Well, let him watch, Ted had a goal in mind and a plan to achieve his desired outcome.

Ted’s plans were momentarily derailed when he found himself face to face– well, face to _not face_ – with, er, _Little_ Charlie.

Now, Ted wasn’t exactly insecure about his manhood. He was comfortable with himself, confident in his own abilities. But Charlie was, well, he was not a small man. For one spectacular moment, Ted forgot that he knew how to do this– that he _had_ done this. That he’d done _this_ with _that_ , in point of fact.

He sat back on his heels, staring down and trying to get a handle on the logistics.

“Ted?” Charlie’s cautious voice caught Ted before he fell too deeply into his panic attack. “You don’t _have_ to do this. You don’t have to do anything. If it doesn’t go away, I can take care of it myself.”

“No, Charlie.” Ted took a deep, fortifying breath and began to tilt forward. “You… gave me a hand. I owe you one.”

“But it doesn’t… _Oh my God!_ ” 

It was difficult to manage at this angle and with his mouth rather overfilled, but Ted risked a glance up to find Charlie propped on his elbows, face tilted down, eyes rolled halfway up in his head. _Okay, so far so good._ Shifting his jaw slightly to relax the stretch got a little gasp, so Ted did it again, and then pulled back a bit, sucking gently and stroking with his tongue as he went. He choked as Charlie involuntarily tightened his abs, hips lunging up toward Ted's face. 

_Those abs are_ really _impressive from this angle,_ he thought. Then, _Not now, Ted. Focus…_

“Sorry, sorry!” Charlie’s voice had dropped an octave and lost the smooth, velvety edge it always carried. “Just… God, Ted. I’d forgotten. Nearly forgotten. Hadn’t thought about…” He shoved his torso up far enough to reach down and caress Ted’s cheek with his fingers; Ted leaned into the touch, took a deep breath and sucked his way down again. 

Charlie’s ragged voice kept babbling away, but Ted quit registering the words, taking comfort and encouragement just from the tone and from Charlie’s gentle fingertips smoothing through his hair. Stroking Charlie’s balls with one hesitant hand had Charlie’s legs spreading wider, so Ted did it again. He lost himself in it a little after that, the taste of Charlie on his tongue, the smell of Charlie’s skin suddenly familiar, a reminder of a tiny space of safety in the middle of an otherwise unbroken waking nightmare. He didn’t know how long he lay there, one leg hanging off the bed, one hand clutching at Charlie’s thigh, eyes closed as he lost himself in the _bob, bob, bob_ of sucking dick. 

“Ted, if you don’t want a...a mouthful, you’ve got about thirty seconds to get back.” Charlie’s fingers tightened in Ted’s hair, and Ted again risked a glance up, met Charlie’s eyes where the blackness of his pupils had nearly eclipsed the pale, pale blue…

And he sucked harder. 

The strangled shout and it’s accompanying series of desperate swear words gratified Ted more than any response he’d gotten from a lover in years. Then again, it was so new, even after what they’d done before. Two years of silent, mutual– not pleasure, exactly– _release_ were nothing compared to that, sprawling together across a soft mattress when they were both clean and fed and safe, and mostly rested, having the freedom to express pleasure and satisfaction.

Ted dragged the back of his hand across his mouth and slowly pulled himself up the bed to flop onto his stomach beside Charlie, face pressed into Charlie’s neck, one hand resting on Charlie’s heaving chest.

“That was a good one, right, Charlie?” Ted kissed at a pattern of freckles on the shoulder under his mouth, afraid to look up and meet Charlie’s eyes, just in case it wasn’t… in case it hadn’t… Well, it _had_ been such a very long time. “I did okay?”

“You were great, Ted. That was a _very_ good one.” Charlie rolled to his side and flipped one arm over Ted’s shoulders. “You were really great.”

____

Charlie woke a little bit later to Ted’s earnest brown gaze focused and intent and only three inches away. He smiled, and Ted backed off, settling onto his own pillow. 

“So I think that went well,” Charlie said, rolling onto his side and reaching out to touch the soft, sunkissed gold of Ted’s shoulder. 

Ted flinched away, and Charlie dropped his hand to the mattress, pulling himself further away.

“What is it, Ted?” He struggled to keep his voice level, gentle, coaxing. If he’d screwed this one up, read something wrong… But this was Ted. Ted who know him deep under the skin. That Charlie knew just as deeply. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just… I’m not _gay_ , Charlie.” Ted’s mouth did the thing it did when he was upset, the corners tucking up and back, a false smile to hide what he was thinking. “It was good, but… It was really good, but I'm not... I'm not gay.”

“Okay, so you don’t want to do it again.” Charlie _would not_ let his voice slip. It was about Ted, not a personal attack, not a punch in the gut, no matter how much it felt like it. Ted was an independent person, capable of making his own decisions, even if his decision was that he didn’t want Charlie. "That's fine, Ted. We don't... You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

“No, see, that’s the problem, Charlie.” Ted heaved a sigh and reached out to curl his fingers over Charlie’s, squeezing hard. “I _do_ want to do it again. And… other things. With you. And I don’t know where to go with that.”

“Doesn’t have to go anywhere.” Charlie shrugged as best he could, lying down, naked, and in bed with his best friend. “I mean, this doesn’t have to be a lifelong commitment. You don’t have to give me that.”

Ted snorted and smiled. “Yeah, I think I already have, though.” He studied their joined hands, expressive mouth twitching as he swallowed. “Which is really kind of a pity, because I _really_ like breasts, and, Charlie,” he paused to make eye contact. “You are just really flat.”

There was a beat of silence while Charlie considered, and then he said, “I could get implants. If it would help.”

Ted looked Charlie over critically, mouth twisting into thought. 

“No. No, you really couldn’t. Not with those hips, Charlie.” He looked up with his gentlest expression. “You’d look ridiculous.”

Charlie chuckled softly and scooted closer, using their joined hands to tip Ted’s chin up enough to kiss him gently, relieved as Ted’s lips curled to meet his own. He closed his eyes and sank into the taste and texture of Ted’s mouth, stroking his tongue along the softness of Ted’s bottom lip. After a moment, he pulled free with a gentle pop. 

“I’m not asking you to give them up.” Charlie opened his eyes so Ted could see what Charlie was thinking, what he meant. He _loved_ Ted, and having sex didn’t mean that anything had to change between them. “This doesn’t have to be like that.” 

“So you’re fine with an open relationship?” The corner of Ted’s mouth pulled up harder in an impish smirk, eyes twinkling playfully. “Is that what this is going to be?”

“Does it need a name?” Charlie slid closer still, releasing his grip on Ted’s fingers to smooth over the softness of Ted’s chest and stomach, hungry for the sensation of Ted’s skin sliding under his palms. “Can any person _really_ own another?”

Ted responded to the touch, sighing and relaxing as they shifted to find how best they fit together to hold and be held, to kiss and be kissed.

“I think so, Charlie,” Ted said, breaking the kiss with their foreheads tipped together. “Yeah, I think it’s safe to say you’ve owned me for a long time now. And… and I’m okay with that, I think.”

Charlie kissed him again, his lips, the bridge of his nose, the creases under one eye and the thick lashes along the lid. 

“That’s mutual, if it helps any, Ted.” Charlie kissed one thick, dark eyebrow and the apple of Ted’s cheek. “I belong entirely to you. It’s gotten me through a lot of things.” He moved down to reclaim Ted’s lips.

____

Ted wiggled his arm under Charlie, and rolled onto his back, pulling Charlie with him. Yeah, that was better, because the shift in position allowed him to run his palms over the muscles in Charlie’s shoulders, down his back, to cup the swell and flex of Charlie’s chest. And, okay, yes, so they weren’t _breasts_ , but they were nice in his palms, and thumbing over Charlie’s nipples still got a pretty good response. Ted filed that information away for later and pulled Charlie down, holding him close to kiss that infuriating, fascinating, enticing mouth. 

“I thought you said you were done for the day.” Charlie settled on top of Ted, folding his hands on Ted’s chest and propping his chin on his knuckles. He stared at Ted’s face with bright eyes and a smirk. “You keep that up, and I’m going to have a noticeable problem, very shortly.”

“Really?” Ted could feel his cheeks and the tips of his ears heating up and his brain getting fuzzy, which was ridiculous. This was _Charlie_ , just Charlie. Charlie had seen him at his worst, at his lowest. He had seen Charlie’s worst, the only now-living witness to it. And now Charlie was flirting with him, and Ted was starting to blush like he was… 

Ted swallowed hard and looked up at the ceiling before speaking. “We should… we should talk about this. About that. About…” His throat started to close up.

“We can talk about anything, Ted, you know that. What’s the matter?” Charlie sat up, pulling a sheet up Ted’s body and tucking the corner of it across his own lap.

“I’m afraid of… of _that_.” Ted looked at Charlie, trying to convey with his eyebrows and facials tics what he meant while begging Charlie not to make him say it. “You know. I… I am… I’m afraid it’s gonna hurt, if we… if you…”

“Oh.” Charlie blinked. “ _Ohh_.” 

And what was it with redheads saying _that_ to him in that tone of voice? Like they understood and weren’t surprised. Like they… Like he… _Why_ did he keep getting that response out of redheads? Attractive redheads. Damned attractive redheads that made him feel so stupid and out of his depth. 

“We don’t have to do that.” Charlie leaned down to stroke his fingertips along Ted’s arm. “We never have to, if you don’t want it.”

“But I… I kinda _do_ want it.” Ted shoved himself up to sitting and propped his elbows on his knees. “That’s...it’s very messed up, isn’t it. That I’m terrified, but I still want it. Want to… do that. That probably says a lot about me.”

“It’s not messed up, Ted. It’s probably normal.” Charlie took Ted’s hand. “And it probably says more about the two of us together than it does about you, by yourself.” He shifted around until he was sitting beside Ted, his arm warm across Ted’s shoulders. “And it’s whatever you want to do. However you wanna do it, okay? However _you_ want to do it. We’ll figure it out.” 

Ted sighed heavily, and leaned into Charlie’s side, enjoying being in bed with a lover strong enough to hold him up. 

“Do you know what I want, Charlie? What I _really_ want right now?” He tipped his head onto Charlie’s shoulder, shivering as Charlie’s thumb traced a light, tickling path down his neck. 

“Whatever it is, Ted,” Charlie answered, a smile hiding in his voice, “you can have it.”

“What I really want _right now_...” Ted sat up and turned to stare deeply into Charlie’s eyes. “What I want more than anything... right this minute… is pancakes.”

“You know what, Ted?” Charlie’s scrunched his brows together and then leaned in close to steal one quick, hard kiss. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard since setting off to find you. Let’s go do that.”

____

Charlie tried to let Ted be for a time. He took him out to a bar, found him a hookup with a great figure and an eye on his borrowed fortune. Ted seemed appreciative, but he ended up not going home with the woman or bringing her back to his room over the garage. Charlie tried very hard not to read too much into it, tried not to convince himself it was because Charlie, also, had decided not to take anyone to bed that night. Instead, they sat up half the night, talking over Charlie’s latest case and Ted’s newest acquisition to their joint portfolio. Morning found them asleep, tilted together in the center of the couch, Charlie scrunched down to rest his head on Ted’s wide, strong, soft shoulder. 

They didn’t talk about that, either. 

Rachel moved in, and both men began trying to remember to wear clothing around the house. Charlie didn’t bring home women anymore, and Ted didn’t lock the door at night until both Charlie and Rachel were home safe. Sometimes, Ted pulled Charlie up the stairs to his room above the garage and stuck his hand in Charlie’s jeans. Sometimes Charlie pushed Ted against the wall in the entry, when he was _sure_ Rachel was asleep and not too likely to come out and catch them, and he would drop to his knees, open Ted’s fly, and suck him off fast and dirty.

Normal was such a hard thing to achieve, but then, _normal_ hadn’t ever really been a goal for Charlie. Or Ted. Or Rachel. Still, they managed to acquire a few of the things that made them almost look like a real family. They all three went together to choose a kitchen table: Charlie reluctantly, Ted and Rachel eagerly. Meals were taken around it, conversation awkward and halting. They picked out a few more pieces for the house– television, some more furniture for each of their own bedrooms, a couple of rugs to tamp down on the echos– and managed to get through the trips without making Charlie feel overwhelmed by his new belongings, without Rachel’s eyes actually rolling out of her teenaged head, without Ted shivering away from spending some of Charlie’s money on himself ( _It’s_ our _money, Ted. You take care of it for me, and things you take care of are also your own_ ).

The first night Rachel made plans to stay over with a friend of hers, Charlie went to find Ted where he lounged in front of the television, sank to his knees before the couch, and pressed his face into the heat of Ted’s groin. Ted froze for only a second before Charlie felt his hair being smoothed by Ted’s fingertips. Charlie wrapped his arms under Ted’s thighs, forcing Ted to squeeze Charlie’s head between them. The couch shivered under the strength of their combined trembles, and Charlie thought that it was only fair; he’d been without Ted’s body against his, without being able to luxuriate in Ted’s touch and voice and in Ted’s bliss for so long he felt like his own foundations were trembling. 

“I need you, Ted,” he said, the tightness of his throat strangling his voice to a hoarse whisper. He didn’t really know how to ask for what he wanted, but he knew that Ted would understand him anyway; Ted always understood him. “Please, if you think you can...if you don’t mind...we should...Can we try it?”

Ted took Charlie’s face in both of his soft hands, tipping it up so he could kiss Charlie’s lips. Charlie made a soft noise, huffing out through his nose, and Ted hummed a little purr in answer. They breathed together, lips touching softly, taking turns applying a little more pressure, a hint of suction. Finally, Charlie pulled back with a sigh and a smile, and Ted’s lips curled up in reply 

“Okay.” Ted licked his lips, eyes a little wide and worried. “I think...Let’s try to, anyway.”

Charlie climbed to his feet, took Ted’s hand in his own, and led the way upstairs to his own bedroom.   
____

Ted lay on the bed, shivering slightly in spite of the days warmth that still lingered in the house. It was dim in the room, and Charlie’s pale skin was nothing more than a milky smudge in the darkness as he moved around, peeling out of his suit and muttering to himself. He vanished into the closet to hang up his jacket and slacks.

“You sure you’re okay with this, Charlie?” Ted rolled onto his side, watching the darker-than-dark rectangle of the closet door. “This is what you want, right?”

Charlie popped out of the closet and across the intervening space to the bed so fast that Ted found himself rearing back and clutching at his own throat, startled.

“ _Yes_ , this is what I want, Ted.” The bed dipped as Charlie crawled onto the edge of the mattress, hands hot and shaking when they caught Ted’s shoulders. “I need this, Ted.”

Even in the barely-there light that reflected from the planting beds below, Ted could see the blaze of Charlie’s eyes. They stared at each other a moment, and then Ted nodded, licking his lips against the sudden dryness of his mouth. Charlie pressed Ted down to the mattress and climbed over him, draping himself down like a cougar on a tree branch. 

“I need this. Need you… Need to feel… Need to _feel_ connected to something.” He nosed along Ted’s jaw, his breath raising goosebumps as he went. “Does that make any sense at all? I mean, I’ve had a lot of sex since I got out. I’ve fucked a lot of people, but you’re the only one… touching you is the only time I feel… _connected_.”

Ted’s hands swept up Charlie’s back, pulling him close and holding on, feeling the tremble that shivered through Charlie’s whole body. That shivered through his own body. In spite of his own nerves, however, he was glad to be covered by Charlie’s weight, held tight by Charlie’s strong, sure arms. 

“I know exactly what you mean, Charlie.” Ted pressed his lips to Charlie’s temple, breathing in the barely-there tinge of Charlie’s shampoo from his shower so many hours before. His next words came out slightly slurred, as his mouth remained tight against Charlie’s face. “Sometimes I think you’re the only real person left. Or maybe you’re the only one that sees me as a real person. I don’t know. I do know that this is… this is okay.”

“You’re sure about this, too, right, Ted?” Charlie pushed himself out of Ted’s arms, holding himself up on quivering arms to stare into Ted’s eyes, a sliver of light from between the curtains falling across Charlie’s face. “I can wait if you…”

“No, Charlie. It’s okay. I’m ready.” Ted sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a second before exhaling. “I can do this.”

Charlie kissed him again, deep and slow, the fingers of one hand working through Ted’s hair to tilt his head back, tongue brushing Ted’s bottom lip until his mouth opened. Ted’s hands tightened on Charlie’s sides as Charlie sucked at his tongue, making him moan, hips bucking up as he filled and hardened. 

“Okay, okay.” Charlie pulled his mouth away, forehead still pressed to Ted’s. “Let’s go. Let’s…”

Ted let go only reluctantly as Charlie shifted away. He wondered if he should roll over or just spread his legs or… His erection flagged slightly. Charlie clicked on the bedside light and reached for the bottle sitting there.

“I’m glad you made me get the nightstands.” He picked at the foil disk over the end of the bottle. “Good place to store things. Like this. According to the internet, you can’t ever have too much lube. Maybe we should test that theory someday. Hey, maybe we could invest in it. Own all the lube.”

He was babbling again. Charlie didn’t usually babble. Not at Ted, anyway. He babbled at everyone else in the world, but not Ted. So he must be nervous. Very nervous. That was… not comforting. Ted’s chest tightened, and the last of his arousal melted away. This was it. The first time he was going to– the first time he was going to _actually_ do _that_. Take something. Take Charlie. Up his rear.

“Okay.” Charlie leaned one hand on the edge of the mattress, the other glistening in the lamplight. “Here we go.”

Ted wanted to move. Roll over. Spread his legs. _Something_. 

But he was frozen in place. He could feel how wide and wild his eyes were as they latched onto Charlie’s pale blue gaze, and then Charlie shifted, moved–

And reached behind himself. 

“Oh, cold.” Charlie tipped his head, birdlike, eyes still open, but clearly not seeing Ted in front of him. “Kinda… Okay, _really_ slick. Very… very not unpleasant, but kinda strange.”

His shoulder and bicep flexed, and Ted sat up, reaching for Charlie’s face. 

“I thought… I didn’t expect…” Ted stopped when Charlie surged forward to kiss him, one hand still twisted behind his back.

“You gonna help me with this part, Ted?” Charlie’s eyes were shut by the time Ted broke the kiss; his mouth was slack, eyes hooded and lazy, and he was _beautiful_. “Wish these were your fingers, _you_. Wish it was you.”

Ted suddenly wished it was him, too, and he reached out to gently coax Charlie to climb up and kneel on the bed. He pulled Charlie in and kissed him again, softly, reaching around and sliding his fingertips down Charlie’s spine. 

“How do I…” 

“Grab that bottle, drip some on your fingers, and then just…” Charlie caught his breath as his shoulder tightened. “Hurry up!”

Ted twisted, hurrying to comply. Moments later, he was lying on his back, uncertain how he got there, with Charlie straddling his chest and his fingers brushing against Charlie’s knuckles as Charlie carefully fingered himself open.

“I’m… I’m not sure…” Ted sucked in a deep breath, stroking his free palm down Charlie’s thigh. “I don’t know how to do this. With...with a man. With you.”

“Sure you do. Just push a little.” Charlie smiled, soft and looking a little drunk. One part of him was _not_ soft, however, and it was thrusting practically into Ted’s face. And, well, Ted knew how to handle that. He lifted his head to lick while he slipped one finger in alongside Charlie’s.

The shout that earned him was very gratifying, and Ted felt another part of his anatomy begin to renew its interest in the proceedings. Emboldened, Ted pulled back his hand and then thrust with his finger while opening his lips. 

“Oh god, you’re going to kill me.” Charlie pulled his hand free to brace both palms on Ted’s shoulders. “That is… Wow, that is incredible. You’re incredible. Fuck, Ted, that is–” He trailed off in a long sigh as Ted carefully pulled his hand back before pressing with two fingers "–incredible."

This wasn’t exactly the first time Ted had done this. Granted, neither of the other two partners he’d experimented anally on had, well, _that_ between their legs, pressing against his tongue as his hand pressed in and slid slowly out. Charlie shook above him, the muscles of his thigh hard under Ted’s hand. While it was still a little strange to him, even after the handies and blowjobs and frottage of the past couple of months, Ted had to admit that it was kinda neat to have a partner whose level of arousal was so easy to gauge. He pulled lightly against Charlie’s rim as he sucked harder.

“Okay, okay…” Charlie’s elbows started to buckle. “I wanna… Let’s… You should…”

“What do you want, Charlie? You can’t be ready yet. I mean, I’m not like some kind of bull or anything, but I don’t want to hurt you.” Ted’s free hand gripped Charlie’s hip, trying to keep him still. 

“I’ll be okay, Ted. I’m fine.” Charlie wiggled himself out of Ted’s grip and slid slowly down his body. “We just _really_ need to get moving here, or it’s going to be over before you get any action.”

“I was seeing plenty of action.” Ted scowled, and then scowled harder when Charlie just laughed and kissed his nose. “What? I can’t find it pretty hot, fingering you?”

“Of course you can,” Charlie answered, and then his hand twisted back to rub a handful of lube over Ted, and he sat back and down, and Ted forgot his scowl in the wonder that was Charlie’s face as he pressed against the head of Ted’s cock. “I like it that you did. Do. Whatever. I like it– _Oh sweet Jesus!_ ”

Ted had lifted his hips carefully, hoping to cut off more babbling or nervous jabber from Charlie, but he hadn’t expected Charlie to blaspheme in a voice like a man dying of bliss. Charlie’s pale blue eyes went wide at the first press against him, and then wider still as Ted pushed inside. His face paled rapidly, and Ted reached for him, torn between wanting to pull away to keep from hurting him and wanting to plant his feet on the bed and thrust up, shove possessively into the heat and slide. Charlie caught his hand, holding on hard and sucking in a breath, the color rushing back to his face in a wave of red, and he exhaled hard as he slid down further. 

“You okay, baby?” And, well, calling some six feet of half-insane detective _baby_ was probably weird, but it’s what Ted had always called his female lovers, so his brain defaulted to what he knew. Because this? This feeling of _Charlie_ around him, tight and hot and _alive_ was like nothing he’d ever known before. Charlie’s hips undulated, and Ted whined, fingers tightening against Charlie’s, his other hand flying to the freckled pale skin of Charlie’s hip.

Charlie’s eyelids drooped, half-covering the wide pupils and glazed expression as he rocked again, this time easing down lower, pressing until he was sitting firmly against Ted’s pelvis. 

“Just give me a second to breathe,” Charlie panted, eyes closing the rest of the way to fan the pale red-gold lashes across his freckled cheeks. “Just… wow, that’s… There’s a lot of you there, Ted. You’re…” His hips twitched, and his eyes flew open as he gasped in another breath. “Oh god! That!” He rolled down again, grinding against Ted’s hips, and Ted bucked up under him. “Just like that!”

Ted buried his heels in the mattress and pushed up, hard and slow, and Charlie grinned, eyes still shut.

“Ohhh, yes,” Charlie breathed, rocking forward and then down again. “I see why people do this. Ohhh, yes I do. I figured there–” he gasped again– “had to be something good. That’s–” a growl this time– “even better than I imagined.”

They fucked that way, slow, shallow presses together until they were both sweating. Until Charlie was sparkling with golden light and starting to move a little faster, searching for a rhythm. Driving Ted _wild_. 

"I... I need to... Charlie, I need to–" Ted figured he could quit trying to explain when Charlie, clearly a mind reader, spread his knees wider, and leaned down to lick inside Ted's mouth before bracing himself to set a filthy, punishing pace on Ted's dick. "That! _That_!" Ted closed his eyes, gripping into Charlie's thighs, feeling like he was about to fly apart.  
____

The fullness was more than Charlie had been expecting. So was the initial stretch. Burned a bit, that part, but that had faded when he’d done… whatever it was he’d done that sent a wave of electric _oh god yes please more of that_ up his spine and down his legs. That _had_ to be his prostate, and, if that was the result of rubbing… it… like… that– _Oh God Yes!!_ – then Charlie was going to do everything he could to keep doing it. 

Ted's face was fascinating. The terror that had tightened the corners of his warm brown eyes and buried shadows in their depths had faded very quickly through the prep, resurfacing only briefly when Charlie first began to force his way down. After only a few minutes, his eyes were wide and burning, desperate and full of… something. Full of something Charlie wasn’t going to try to analyze. Not right there, right then, when it all felt so _good_.

“I need… I need friction. Something… your hand…” Charlie leaned down further, trying to get what he needed for himself, just in case Ted wasn’t up to–

Ted was up to it. 

His hand closed around Charlie, hot and tight and wet with sweat and lube and rapidly collecting the clear stream drooling from the tip. The shock of added sensation hit Charlie’s nerves, and he sat up, both hands flying up to grab at his own hair. 

“God you’re beautiful, Charlie.” Ted’s free hand smoothed down Charlie’s abs, and that was it, the last sensation that took him over the cliff. He shouted, hands slipping down to cover his face, and then Ted nearly bucked him off as he screamed and writhed, hit with his own orgasm.

Charlie was nuzzling into Ted’s shoulder, when he finally got his breath back. He rolled to his side, propping his cheek on his fist to study Ted’s face, his eyes, his expression.

“So I might be…” Ted pursed his lips and tucked one hand behind his head, staring up at the ceiling, but clearly not seeing it. “So I might be a little gayer than I thought.” He hummed thoughtfully and nodded. “Yeah, definitely gayer than originally planned.”

“Does this mean you’re going to start bringing home men on the weekend?” Charlie forced a smile, trying to keep his voice playful, even though his chest suddenly felt too tight. “Do we need to go back to condoms?”

“Charlie, we’ve never used condoms,” Ted rolled his head to give Charlie a mild, purse-lipped glare. “Didn’t have ‘em inside, and we’ve both been tested since… before this. Besides, I don’t think I… I wouldn’t…” He sighed heavily and then rolled to face Charlie, hand sliding slowly up Charlie’s arm. “‘Fraid there’s only one _man_ for me, Charlie.”

“And women?”

“I dunno, Charlie.” Ted watched the point where his thumb swept over and over a freckled patch of Charlie’s shoulder, and Charlie wished Ted would meet his eyes. “What about women? Are you giving up women? Because, I gotta say, you’re nice and I… we… I… Well, _you_ know. _That_. But you’re not…”

“How about we take it as it comes, Ted.” Charlie trailed his fingers down until they caught on the drying tackiness on Ted’s stomach. And that was the hell of it; Charlie trusted Ted, trusted Charlie-and-Ted, Ted-and-Charlie. “Just like we always have, yeah? For now, it’s you and me, and I think the shower is calling us.”

“So we’re going to shower together?” Ted’s thick, dark brows scrunched together, and Charlie chuckled and leaned forward to kiss the crease that formed between them. 

“I think we should, Ted. Wouldn’t be the first time, right?” 

Ted’s face relaxed as a soft, warm smile replaced his scowl. “I guess this is a thing we do now. But not on mornings when we both have to get ready for work, okay?”

“Whatever you want, Ted.” Charlie kissed him again before rolling over to crawl off the bed, stretching and failing to hide his wince. “Now come on, let’s get under that hot water and get you unsticky.”

____

Ted tried not to mind when Charlie brought home a pair of particularly peppy blondes. They might have been professional cheerleaders, but Ted wasn’t entirely certain. He excused himself to go up to his room when the merry crowd headed out to the pool; Ted was man enough to admit he wasn’t up for that kind of torture. Maybe their...their _experiment_ was over. Time to go back to their normal cohabitation and their habitual gender partners. It would be fine. Ted would be fine. 

When Ted woke up to find Charlie downstairs, awake, still in the clothing from the night before, and all alone, he didn’t quite do a little cheer of his own. 

He thought about it, though. 

Instead, he just kissed the back of Charlie’s neck and went about getting himself ready for the day. Rachel met him in the kitchen and gave him a knowing, pitying kind of look.

“We’ll let him get away with anything as long as he keeps us, right?” she said, her lips quirked and one eyebrow raised sardonically. 

“Probably so,” Ted answered, trying to smile but no more able to manage it than she was. 

“So, hey!” Charlie bustled into the kitchen, all energy and morning lightness, and Ted’s lips curved into a smile without him trying to force it. “This weekend, we should go to the farmer’s market. All of us. Together. Like a family.”

“If I don’t have other plans,” Rachel muttered, turning to go. 

Ted knew that was as good as a promise out of her. 

Their lives rolled along, fairly okay for several weeks in a row. Charlie seemed to finally be getting over his ex-wife (or maybe his ex-wife was finally getting over Charlie. Whatever). And Charlie’s work picked up more, keeping him busy. Keeping him from obsessing over who killed his best friend, who framed him. At least, Ted _hoped_ it was keeping Charlie from obsessing. 

He doubted it, though. Charlie obsessed deeper than most.

And then there came that prison experiment and all of the feelings it had stirred up in Ted. All of the feelings he was sure had been stirred up in Charlie, too. They hadn’t talked much once they got home. They ate, standing side by side at the bar. And then Charlie had squeezed Ted’s arm, and Ted had gone up to his own room over the garage. He didn’t know if Charlie went out after that, but he almost hoped he had. One of them should have something else to think about.

The longer he lay there, the more Ted thought about how sickeningly familiar it had been in that complex of rooms. The dead boy and the frightened kids and the self-righteous sicko who had come up with the idea in the first place. And who had tried to threaten Charlie. Ridiculous, really, that someone would even try. Charlie had done what he’d had to do, Inside. And he’d done it for Ted. That memory, of Charlie giving in to the horror _for Ted_ finally pushed him out of bed and up the stairs to Charlie’s room.

He paused in the doorway to listen for Charlie’s breathing, trying to determine if he was asleep. Trying to determine if he was _alone_ , because how incredibly awkward would _that_ be? To go crawl into the bed, reaching out for Charlie and grabbing… Not Charlie. Or, if Ted did contact Charlie first and didn’t _realize_ there was still someone else in the bed, and just blurted out his request. First off, then someone outside the house would know about the two of them. Unless Ted managed to convince whoever it was that he was just sleepwalking. And that could ruin something nice for Charlie, and that would be bad. Because–

So apparently babbling at himself was something Ted did now. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves.

“Are you just going to stand there like a creep, or are you going to get over here and warm me up?” Charlie’s voice sounded awake and amused in the darkness.

Ted’s feet responded before his brain did, and he was standing beside the bed when the bedside lamp clicked on.

“Hey,” Charlie smiled up at him, sitting propped on pillows and looking rumpled in a t-shirt and sleep pants, purple smudges of tiredness under his eyes. “Glad you came. I can’t sleep.”

“I… yeah, after all that today…” Ted heaved a sigh and tried to smile, feeling the expression miss his face and twist his mouth into something rueful. “I couldn’t sleep, either.”

“So what were you just standing there for?” Charlie shifted to hold the covers up a few inches. “Come on in.”

“Charlie, there’s… there’s something I’d like to ask you.” Ted cleared his throat, shuffled his feet, and toyed with his fingertips. “Something I want... “

“Anything, Ted.” Charlie dropped the sheet to hold out a hand, but Ted stayed just out of reach. 

“I want…” Ted cleared his throat again, folding his hands and straightening his shoulders, trying to pull himself up to his full height. “I want us to have sex.” He looked away from Charlie’s open face, afraid to see what it became with his next words. “I want us to have sex again, and I want you to… I want to…” He sucked in a deep breath, steeling his spine and forcing down the queasiness that was building in his belly. “I want to take it this time. I want you to… I want you to do it. To me.” He closed his eyes and let out the last of the wind in his lungs.

The bed rustled and creaked, and then Charlie’s hands cupped Ted’s jaw, and his breath was hot on Ted’s cheek. 

“Hey.” His lips brushed Ted’s. “Ted. Ted, look at me.” 

Ted opened his eyes to find Charlie crowding close, eyes warm in the lamplight, pupils slightly wider than even the dimness of the room required. 

“If that’s what you want, I am–” he licked his lips, and Ted watched, hypnotized by the track of wet pink across paler pink– “very willing to do that. So _very_ willing.” He swayed forward an inch, and Ted surged to meet him, arms uncoiling from his own middle to wrap around Charlie’s waist. Charlie’s fingers slid through Ted’s hair to gently caress the back of his neck, tracing over all the places his mouth had discovered to make Ted shiver and break out in goosebumps. 

“God, why does kissing you always feel so new, Ted?” Charlie dragged his mouth up the edge of Ted’s jaw, snagging lightly on the shadow of whiskers. “It’s new and shocking and exciting, and it feels familiar and safe and like coming home and something I’ve always known. Like… like you’re some part of me I never knew had broken off, until you came back.”

“Until you came back, Charlie.” Ted shivered at the brush of a tongue to his earlobe. “You came back and found me. I was lost until you did.”

“Before that.” Charlie pulled away just far enough to look into Ted’s face, eyes intense and hot. “The first time I saw you. Back when… Back then, Ted. You were there, and I just… I knew you, Ted. I knew you, and I had to keep you safe.”

“Aww, hell, Charlie.” Ted tried to duck his head, look away, but Charlie just cupped his face in gentle hands and bumped his nose into Ted’s.

“Anything you want, _anything_ you want, I will find a way to give it to you.” His hands slid down Ted’s neck, over his shoulders, down Ted’s sides, and settled on his hips. “Let’s get in bed.”

Ted let himself be led to the bed, following Charlie under the covers where he was pulled into Charlie’s tight embrace, tucked in safe and close.

____

Charlie kissed Ted’s hair, hoping Ted didn’t notice. He wasn’t sure if they were that kind of couple: the kind who kissed each other in random places that were less sexual and more… just because. Then again, given where they’d both had their mouths, and given where Charlie’d had _Ted_ – Well, what was one little romantic-but-not-particularly-sexual kiss between friends. Lovers. Flovers? Loriends? 

What was one little romantic-but-not-sexual kiss between Ted and Charlie?

“I was hoping you’d show up.” Charlie shuffled until his arm was wrapped around Ted’s head in a way that pillowed Ted’s head while still letting Charlie play with his hair. “I was sitting here in the dark thinking, ‘this is stupid. I should just go to him. He won’t mind. And then I won’t be sitting alone in the dark anymore.’ But I kept convincing myself that I should just wait another minute or two and then I’d fall asleep.”

“Well, gee, Charlie,” Ted picked his head up, twisting to make eye contact. “You can always come to my bed. I mean, unless there’s someone in it, but that’s not… You can always come to my bed, Charlie. I wouldn’t mind you there.”

“I didn’t want to impose. Or wake you up, if you were sleeping.” Charlie rolled to his side to wrap his arms more securely around Ted. “Just because I can’t sleep doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”

“Charlie.” Ted said his name so softly, helplessly. His eyes were wide and dark and half-lost, and Charlie’s heart stuttered a beat before suddenly speeding up. 

“Are you sure, Ted?” Charlie barely recognized his own voice as it ripped his throat raw on the whisper that came out. “You don’t… I won’t, if you’re not sure.”

“I’m sure.” Ted smiled crookedly. “I’m very sure, Charlie. I’ve been… I’ve been thinking about it since we… since you. I’ve been thinking about it all the time. And I want… I want to. I want you to. I want it, Charlie.”

Charlie cut him off with a biting, bruising kiss, both of them breaking frequently to pant as their breathing turned instantly ragged. 

“I want you, Charlie. I want… I want so, so badly.” Ted’s eyes were closed, and he murmured the words over and over, slurring the words with kisses and desperation. “I want, Charlie. I _want_.”

“Okay, Ted.” Charlie pushed him back gently, laying him on the mattress. “Okay, I will, Ted. We will.”

Ted panted himself into silence as Charlie sat up and pulled off his own t-shirt before reaching down to toy with the hem of Ted’s. 

“You going to take these pajamas off, or can I take them off of you?” Charlie slid his hand under the soft, knit shirt, palm spreading across the warm skin of Ted’s chest, fingers toying with the soft, sparse hair. 

“You do it.” Ted looked up with wide, dark eyes, somehow managing to look terrified and trusting all at once. 

Something stabbed under Charlie’s ribs, choking his breath in his throat and making his hands shake. He had to close his eyes, tilting to rest his forehead against Ted’s, biting his lip to try to hold in… hold in something. Words. Emotions. Things that he couldn’t possibly say. Not to Ted. Not now.

“Charlie, are you okay?” Ted’s hands smoothed up Charlie’s sides and pulled him down until they were lying chest to chest, all of Charlie’s weight sprawled across Ted’s bulk. 

“Fine.” Charlie whispered. He shifted, pressing his mouth to Ted’s to try to stifle himself. “I love you, Ted. I _love_ you.” The words squeezed out against Ted’s lips. “I love you.”

“I know, Charlie.” Ted cupped the side of Charlie’s face, pulling him up so their eyes could meet. “I know you do. I love you, too.”

It was so matter of fact. Calm. As certain as Ted might have said _The sun will be up in a few hours_. As easy as Ted would suggest something for dinner. He made it seem… normal. Easy. Uncomplicated.

And maybe it really _was_ that simple. 

That Charlie loved Ted was unquestionable. There was no defining the _kind_ of love between them, of course. How would love that promised “I would kill anyone who tried to hurt you” or “I would die for you, if I had to” be categorized? Was there any way to quantify a love that said, “I can read your soul in the way you breathe and the amount of tension you carry in your shoulders and the lines of your face”? It wasn’t possible to have survived all they had been through together, to have shared a home and a life and their bodies as they had done, without something deep and solid taking root and supporting them both.

Charlie sighed and kissed Ted again, smiling against Ted’s soft, amused lips. “I know that, Ted.” He sat up, straddling Ted’s hips to rub his fingers through the hair on Ted’s chest. “I do know it. And we should really move things along.”

Ted wriggled against the mattress, his smile going from soft and warm to something hot and immediate. “Yes, Charlie, we _really_ should.”

____

Ted was on his hands and knees, face smooshed into a pillow, trying to figure out why he’d thought this would be… _fun_. Or whatever. Because it was… Mostly it was just weird. To have Charlie’s hand resting hot and heavy against the small of his back while his other hand _probed_. The primary sensation had started off as _cold_ , but finally Charlie’s thick hand and the generous dollop of slick had warmed. As for what Charlie was _doing_ , it just seemed to be a lot of, well, _circling_. 

Charlie was saying something, but his voice was pitched so low that Ted couldn’t make out a word of it. He sighed and shifted, and then Charlie’s circling finger pressed in, easy and slow and... neither painful nor pleasant. Just… there. Ted firmly squashed down any associations he had with _that feeling_ and tried to relax.

“Mmm.” Charlie sat back on his heels, the pressure of the hand he was resting on Ted’s back lightening, and he moved away. The finger he’d inserted moved slowly, idly. “This isn’t really doing much for you, is it.” It didn’t sound like a question. “So what if I–”

The bed rocked and bounced, and Ted found himself with a Charlie pressed in close behind him, his own knees getting forced further apart to make room for Charlie’s. He opened his mouth to speak, probably to say something about not being so limber anymore. Before he could make a sound, all the breath punched out of his lungs at once as Charlie wrapped one arm around Ted’s waist, leaned forward, and _licked_.

Ted was absolutely _certain_ that wasn’t supposed to feel _that_ good. He sighed once, hard and desperate, both hands clenching in the sheet under the pillow, and then Charlie’s tongue moved. It lapped and it circled, painted with broad strokes, and teased with miniature licks that were nearly stabs. And, where Ted had been going soft just moments before, he was suddenly so hard that he was absolutely _positive_ that his light-headedness came from the blood loss his brain certainly experienced. 

There was a sharpness– almost sharpness– to the pressure, and it took Ted far too long to realize that Charlie had somehow worked two fingers inside. He managed to quit biting his pillow long enough to look over his shoulder, seeing Charlie’s face, glistening from nose to chin with saliva and lube, all but _beaming_ in the direction where his digits–

“Oh my God! Fuck, Charlie! What was–” Ted sucked in another breath and arched his back. “It’s never done that before.” It was probably the most inane thing that could have come out of Ted’s mouth, but the brush of Charlie’s long fingers against Ted’s prostate had clearly pushed his brain right out of his ears. Plus it _was_ the truth.

“Did you think I was lying to you?” Charlie’s grin turned wicked, mischief dancing in his eyes and turning the curve of his mouth into a vee of intent. “I _told_ you it felt good, having you in me. It’ll be good for you, too, Ted.” Charlie closed his eyes briefly and shivered, a flush crawling up his pale cheeks to hide his freckles. “ _Oh_ the things I’ll do to you, Ted! You’re going to love this.”

Charlie’s hand pulled away, and the loss of his fingers made Ted quiver with the sudden emptiness. 

“Roll over.” Charlie scooted away to give Ted room to move, reaching up for a pillow as he waited for Ted to settle back against the mattress. “Lift your hips.” 

He swiftly tucked the pillow under Ted’s back, tilting his pelvis at an angle that left him feeling very _exposed_ as Charlie crawled between his legs and stared down with hot eyes. Charlie looped his forearms under Ted’s knees, spreading his legs wider, before leaning down to kiss his lips, licking into his mouth, rocking their hips together, creating the most delicious friction where Ted lay hot and thick against his own stomach.

And, speaking of hot and thick…

Charlie’s thrusts had him rubbing slick and hot, so near to where Ted now _really_ wanted him. 

“Take your leg, Ted.” Charlie looked down, watching himself with eyes darkened nearly to grey, pupils obscuring the iris more and more as he watched. “Hold…”

Ted grabbed at his own knee, sucking in a deep breath.

“You’re gonna have to breathe.” Charlie reached down between their bodies, and Ted felt a soft throb of pressure. “Exhale and bear down if you can, okay? Just relax, babe.”

_Babe?_ The endearment was so startling that Ted forgot to tense, and suddenly there was a sharp shot of pain in a place that...that Charlie had killed a man to keep it from hurting there before.

Ted heard someone wail and realized the sound had come from his own throat. He tried desperately to stop it. Above him, Charlie froze.

“Ohhh, shit, Ted!” Charlie leaned forward, dropping Ted’s legs to reach for his face. “I’m sorry. Breathe. We’ll stop. I’m sorry, it’s okay. We’ll stop.” He braced one hand against the mattress, preparing to pull away; Ted caught his hip to stop him.

“No, just… just don’t move for a minute.” He closed his eyes, feeling Charlie tremble against his hand, against his thigh, _inside him_.

Charlie was _inside_. Inside Ted’s body. And not in his mouth. There was something… _there_ , and it was Charlie. Ted’s eyes snapped open.

“More.” 

“Ted, I don’t…”

“ _More,_ Charlie.” Ted shifted until he could carefully wrap one shin around Charlie’s back, trying to pull him closer, pull him deeper. “Just… give me more.”

The tremble turned into a full-out shiver along Charlie’s body, and Ted exhaled hard at the increase in pressure– knifelike and sharp. Charlie’s eyes drooped shut, his head tilting to press against Ted’s shoulder.

“How is it, Charlie?” The words took all of Ted’s air.

“It’s…” Charlie shuddered violently and his hips twitched. Ted hissed at the renewed wave of pain. “It’s like nothing I’ve ever… Ted? Are you okay? Are you…”

“More.” Ted closed his own eyes, tipping his chin up and preparing for– He sucked in a breath and blew out hard, trying to force his body to obey, to bear down against the intrusion, rather than pulling hard up and away from it. And suddenly the slide became easier, and, while the ribbon of pain was still there, it was less sharp. Less demanding. Ted lifted his hips an inch before letting them drop back to the bed. Once. Twice. “Oh.”

“Was that a good ‘oh’ or a bad ‘oh,’” Charlie asked. 

“Good one, I think. Move.” Ted rocked up as Charlie rolled down, and that created a sensation of smoothness and movement and sliding that was… It was very… _Ohhh. That’s not bad at all._

The feeling of being opened too far, splitting, tearing, started to grow more distant as the overwhelming feeling of _Charlie_ sliding in– and slipping out, only to slide back in again– started to take over. Ted wrapped his second leg over the back of Charlie’s ass and heaved with both legs. 

The result was _extremely_ gratifying. For both of them, if Charlie’s shout was anything to go by. 

“Ted?” Charlie continued thrusting, slowly but firmly, his eyes sharp on Ted’s face, watching his expressions. He still looked too ready to run away, as far as Ted was concerned.

“Is that all you can give me?” It was a bad porno line, as Ted knew before he said it; he rather expected Charlie to huff a laugh and keep doing what he was doing. That wasn’t _quite_ what happened, however. 

Instead, Charlie growled, deep in his chest. His face turned white, freckles standing out starkly, and then he flushed a brilliant red, eyes widening. Ted had time to suck in one deep breath before by a hard, almost violent thrust punched all the air back out of his lungs. Charlie slid across the place that had made sparkles shiver behind Ted’s eyelids before. This time, however, there were no sparkles: this was a full-on New York New Year’s fireworks display. 

Ted reached absently to knot his fingers in Charlie’s rumpled, short, red curls and yank his head down for a kiss. Apparently some of the experimental porn he’d watched in the seventies had stuck with him, because Ted found himself spewing filth against Charlie’s lips. He demanded to be fucked harder; for Charlie to fill up his asshole with– No, Ted didn’t want to remember saying _that_ one later; he ordered; he pleaded; and he tried as hard as he could to rub up against Charlie’s stomach for a little more friction. 

A string of curses punched out of Charlie, and his hips lost their rhythm. 

“I’m going to… Ted, I can’t…” His arms slid under Ted’s back, hands clutching over the tops of Ted’s shoulders to give himself more leverage. “Not much longer.” He sounded as if he were gritting his teeth. “Are you…?”

Ted spread his palm across Charlie’s lower back, trying to smash Charlie down enough to rut up against him. It was too late: Ted was far too wild to let go, and Charlie was too close to wait much longer, and Ted couldn’t decide if he should laugh or cry. Before he could really do more than cling and cry out with every thrust, though, Charlie drove in deeply. Ted could _feel_ the pulsing inside of himself, felt the slide get slicker, felt the addition of something damp and wet and…

He’d would later never be able to say how he managed to work a hand between their bellies, wrap it around himself, and move it enough to jerk himself to completion. But somehow Ted found himself curling forward, head and hips going up together, as he spilled between his stomach and Charlie’s even as Charlie finished shouting his completion to the night and fell in slow motion to land across Ted and the mess he’d left.

____

Charlie woke up face down on his bed, smashed into the mattress by a weight draped partway across his back.

“Ted, that you?” He rolled his head to one side to try to see, but the pillow billowed up around his face. “Hey Ted. You okay?”

“Who _else_ would it be, Charlie?” Ted sounded snippy. So… no coffee yet. Which meant that, as bright as the light coming through the window was, it was mostly likely still quite early. “And of course I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be alright? There’s–”

Charlie rolled, dumping Ted to side before rolling the rest of the way over and scrunching down in the bed to end up nose to nose with Ted’s sleep-puffy face. 

“Hey.” He smiled at the half-startled, half-grouchy look in Ted’s big brown eyes. “You’re nice to wake up to.”

“That was a bad line.” One of Ted’s eyebrows went up, but a smile brightened his expression in spite of himself. “I am _not_ nice to wake up to. I’m grouchy, a bit sore, and very, very… crusty.”

He lifted up the blanket to look down between them, and Charlie took the opportunity to slide his arm around Ted’s ribs and coax him closer, getting near enough to nuzzle against his cheek. 

“I, for one,” Charlie began, kissing the corner of Ted’s eye, “find you adorable when you’re grouchy.”

“I’m not adorable, Charlie.” Ted closed his eyes and relaxed as Charlie kissed the tip of his nose, the edge of his lip. 

“And having you a bit sore from me having sex with you is–” Charlie nosed down to nip at the soft skin of Ted’s throat– “really hot.”

“That’s a word that hasn’t been applied to me in twenty years, Charlie.” Ted’s breath hitched as Charlie wriggled closer and pressed one leg between Ted’s thighs. 

“And as for crusty–” Charlie lined his hips up with Ted’s, both of them gasping at the friction. “That’s just, well, satisfying.”

“You’re not getting back in my ass this morning, Charlie.” Ted’s eyes were heavy-lidded, mouth slowly going slack as Charlie continued to rock gently against him. “I’m _tender_. And if you want anything else to happen, then I really need to pee.”

“Then you should probably do that, Ted,” Charlie said, closing his eyes and letting his head loll back against the pillow, still rocking his pelvis. “You _really_ should do that, because in another two minutes here I’m not going to be able to stop.”

Ted groaned softly as he rolled away to sit on the edge of the bed. He bunched the sheet across his lap with one hand, the other rubbing his face. 

“It’s going to take a few minutes before I can, well, go, Charlie.” Ted’s shoulders shook gently with a laugh. “This is not a problem I’ve had in at _least_ twenty years, you realize.”

Charlie sat up and leaned forward to rest his lips against Ted’s broad, soft, golden back. He trailed the tip of his tongue along the lines of Ted’s shoulders, defined now from his hours in the pool, and then scooted closer, folding his legs, to lean his forehead against the back of Ted’s neck, palms spreading across Ted’s flanks, breathing in the sweat-kissed skin and the barest traces of the expensive aftershave that was one of Ted’s few remaining luxurious necessities. 

“I’m sorry, Ted.” He closed his eyes, turning his face to lay his cheek against the sleep-warmth of Ted’s shoulder. “I am so, so sorry.”

“For what, Charlie?” Ted shifted to lean his head backward against Charlie’s. “For this? Don’t be, Charlie. Don’t be sorry. Please. It’s… It’s okay. It’s good.”

_God, this man!_ Charlie slid his arms further around Ted’s chest, holding on hard.

“But I _am_ sorry, Ted. Sometimes.” His hands slid around to brush through the sparse hair on Ted’s chest. “I took over your life!”

Ted sighed heavily, relaxing further into Charlie’s arms, letting Charlie hold his weight. “Yeah, Charlie. You’re right. You did. But that’s because, before you found me, I didn’t _have_ a life. I was a walking dead man.” He pulled free suddenly, twisting to lean his forehead into Charlie’s, brown eyes intense where they stared hard from inches away. “Both times, Charlie. _Both times.anything_ , Ted. You’re a person, a human. And, if I don’t want to own and be owned by _things_ , I certainly don’t want to own a whole person.”

Ted chuckled darkly and then launched himself at Charlie, tackling him to the bed. Charlie wasn’t sure if the pounce or the breath-stealing kiss that followed was more shocking out of his precise, controlled, sedate roommate. Whatever it was, Charlie found himself panting as he arched into Ted’s chest, pulling hard to keep him close. 

“Too late for that, Charlie,” Ted said, when he finally released Charlie’s bottom lip. “You already have me. But do you know what makes it okay?”

“What makes it okay, Ted?” Charlie shifted to settle Ted more comfortably between his thighs. 

“I’m _pretty_ sure I own you, too.” Ted kissed him again, biting at Charlie’s mouth for a moment before he pulled back. “And I’m really okay with that. And now I _really do_ need to pee, Charlie.”

“Okay, Ted. You go pee.”

____

After finishing up and washing his hands and face, Ted brushed his teeth and tried his best not to stare at the giant shower in the master bath. The last time he’d gone in with Charlie hadn’t gone so well, but things were different now. Well, not so much different as _more_. Or… well, things were… Things Were, now. So maybe this time he could go collect Charlie from their bed, lead him into this room, ignore the way sounds echoed off the tiles, ignore the buildup of steam and the cold underfoot as Charlie held him close under the spray of water, hands sliding over Ted’s wet skin and…

Ted panted his way back to calm, clutching the edge of the bathroom counter. 

_Okay. Understood. The shower is still out._

Other people had shower sex. Ted wasn’t afraid of the shower. He wasn’t afraid of sex with Charlie (any more). He had had shower sex many times in the past, when he was young and limber and had athletically enthusiastic partners. One time he’d even… he and Charlie had…That one time Inside, he had let Charlie...And then Charlie had been forced to...

Ted was sitting on the floor with a hand towel over his head when he finally managed to calm down a second time.

He pushed himself to his feet and looked around the room. And froze.

_Huh. Now_ that’s _an idea._

Ten minutes later, he was back in the doorway to the bedroom, admiring the sight of Charlie sprawled across the bed, naked, rigid-hard, and slowly stroking himself. 

“Bath?” Ted invited, surprised by how rough his voice came out. _Quite a_ lot _more gay than I thought I was._ But he dared anyone to get an eyeful of the perfect freckled expanse of Charlie– scarred from brutal attacks, tattooed on one hip with a mark only Ted had ever been allowed to touch with lingering fingers– spread out like a feast and waiting just for them and not have some kind of visceral reaction. Ted forced himself to stay where he was, because if he moved…

If he moved, he was going to climb on that bed, bat Charlie’s hand out of the way, and slide right back down where he’d been the night before.

“Should be almost full. Better hurry if we don’t want to flood the bathroom.”

____

Ted was beautiful. That was an immutable fact upon which Charlie could build his entire world. Ted was beautiful in the way he looked, the way he moved, the way he thought, and the way he loved. Ted was beautiful with his body flushed from the heat and steam of the bathroom. He was beautiful with his eyes soft and hot at once. He was beautiful as he slid over Charlie’s thighs, his lip caught between his teeth as he tensed against the warmth of the water and the echoes off the tile. He was beautiful in the flex of his legs and the groan that ripped from his throat as he slid down, taking Charlie deep. He was beautiful as he moved and surged, mouth quivering in pleasure and pain, arms and legs flexing as he moved. 

And he was gorgeous as his back arched and his head flung back, sighing out his pleasure as he came across Charlie’s stomach and then collapsed into Charlie’s arms, limp and quivering and complete.

The water would grow disgusting soon, but until then, Charlie wanted nothing more than to lie in the tub, Ted warm and soft and sated in his arms. That moment, that moment was perfection.

Charlie would remember that moment as the one time he _truly_ found his Zen space. He’d need it. Later. When life had shifted sideways and Charlie was alone.

____

Ted was numb. Completely. He was going to jail. Again. Without Charlie to keep him safe and whole and sane. He stayed numb through processing. He stayed numb through the search and the photographs and through being given his jumpsuit and t-shirts. He barely noticed when the heavy metal bars slammed shut behind him. All he could think about was Charlie, somewhere else, unable to reach him. Unable to be reached.

Then the miracle happened. Protection, sent by Charlie, someone to keep him safe. Ted tried to relax and wait; Charlie had his back. Charlie would come for him soon.

And when he did, Ted would take Charlie to bed and thank him in the very best way he knew how. 

_____

Charlie sent Rachel away, hating himself for the hurt, lost look in her eyes, knowing he’d put it there. But he _had_ to. He had to keep her safe. He hadn’t really believed that his family was at risk. He’d kept on not believing it, in spite of the bullet that had torn into his own body. But then Ted had been taken. With cocaine, something Ted hadn’t touched in two decades. It was ridiculous. It was nonsense. It was proof that Charlie alone wasn’t enough to keep those he loved safe.

Leaving would probably have been the prudent choice, but Charlie had never been known for being prudent. Prudence wouldn’t lead him to the answers he so desperately needed. It wouldn’t solve crimes or get Ted back. And Charlie _needed_ Ted back. No one else understood him. Not really. No one else would handle Charlie’s money and his moods and his quirks. No one else would ever love him so completely. 

The most Zen space Charlie could find was when he was molding the bullet. A gift, it had been, and gifts were meant for reciprocation. That bullet, when it was new and shining, laid on the counter beside his gun, would give back tenfold. It would repay the fear Charlie had for Ted with another fear. Charlie feared for Ted’s life, feared for Rachel’s, even feared for his own life. This bullet would make someone else fear for theirs. So fitting. So right. Zen turned to offense. 

Charlie smiled.

_____

Ted’s return home wasn’t exactly triumphant. His face hurt. His ribs hurt. He didn’t care, though. Not when he found home waiting on him. Found _Charlie_ waiting on him. Ted wanted to kiss him, to hold him, to strip him naked and make love to him on the living room floor. Charlie wasn’t done with his case, though, and he wasn’t in the mood for gentle kisses and tenderness. So Ted had dragged Charlie up to the bed, where the softer surface allowed for greater roughness, and he’d tried to pretend he wasn’t _making love_ while he held Charlie tight against his chest and gave it to him hard and furious. 

Ted waited, hoping things would settle. Hoping Charlie would say that Rachel could come home. That Ted could move out of the garage. That they could all get on with their lives together, as a family.

Charlie never did say any of that.

_____

Charlie didn’t resent Ted for leaving, for going to find True Love. He couldn’t resent him for it, not when Charlie did everything in his power to make it happen. Charlie was too screwed up, too entangled in danger and his own stupid curiosity to be an appropriate partner to Ted. Keeping Ted around would keep him in danger, and Charlie hated the very idea of that. 

Ted would be safe with Olivia, and he would be _happy_ with Olivia, and that was even more important. They talked a few times. Three, maybe (four, Charlie knew down to the minute how long each call lasted). It wasn’t the same as having Ted right there, where Charlie could bounce ideas off of him or lean into his side or get lost in his kisses. But it was okay. Ted was okay. He was safe, and he was content, and Charlie didn’t mind letting go.

Besides, Ted wasn’t gay, and he’d have an easier time being in love with a woman. That would be good, Ted having an easier time. He’d be happy and safe and content and easy. And Charlie wouldn’t think about how it had felt to fall asleep with Ted’s heavy arm over his ribs or how hot Ted’s breath was against the shell of his ear when he’d fucked Charlie that night he’d gotten home. He never remembered Ted’s exact smile in the morning, when they’d have quiet, companionable breakfast, and he didn’t think how _wrong_ it felt to lounge on the couch without Ted’s head on his shoulder or thigh.

Reese moved in soon after Ted left, and that was good. It kept Charlie from rattling all around the house alone. He wondered if she would...would take over Ted’s place, but she slept in a downstairs room and never came out of it without being fully dressed. Charlie wasn’t sure if he was expected to make a pass or not, and he didn’t have anyone to ask, so he kept his hands and his eyes to himself and got on with being a friend.

It took less than a month for her to move out and go back to Tidwell.

That was okay. It _had_ to be okay. 

Charlie could do alone. He knew how to do it. He could, he could, he would.

He didn’t want to.

Some of that might have slipped out a little to Ted, who told him to call Rachel and tell her to come home. Charlie didn’t, but he thought about it for a week. Thankfully, his ridiculous family knew better than to expect Charlie to take definitive action in a way he thought might inconvenience them. Two weeks later, the front door unlocked to someone else’s key, and Charlie’s socks slipped on the floor as he ran from the kitchen to see who had come back to him.

____

Ted let Rachel go through the door first. He _told_ himself it was because he knew that she couldn’t wait to see Charlie. That she _needed_ to see Charlie. That Charlie probably needed to see her. They’d always had an understanding of each other. Something deep and profound and familial. Something that Ted hadn’t ever seen before.

At least… not until he’d also found himself bound to Charlie. Ever since that day in prison that Charlie had saved him. Until that time in prison where Charlie had loved him. That time after prison that Charlie had saved him again. Or all the time since where Charlie had loved him.

Rachel went first, and it had nothing to do with the fear that sent shockwaves down Ted’s arms and legs. The cold clench in his chest or his belly. 

He wondered if Charlie’s partner, that Reece girl, still lived there. He hadn’t had the nerve to ask, when he’d finally gotten up the courage to call Charlie, just three weeks before. 

Rachel went first, and Ted froze on the front porch, unable to step through the door.

____

Charlie wasn't entirely certain how he'd ended up with an armload of Rachel, but far be it from him to _complain_ about that state of affairs. Her hands clenched in the back of his shirt, and he closed his eyes, breathed in the perfume smell of her hair– different from before, sweet with less spice– and held her back as hard as he damn well could. 

"Uncle Charlie," she said into his shirt. "Uncle Charlie!" 

Just that. His name and the title she had given him in her childhood. The childhood that had been ripped away from her along with her father and her mother and her brother. She said the name again. And then again, tasting it like ice cream and chocolate. Like the best thing she'd ever rolled around her tongue. 

"I'm here, Rachel," he murmured in reply, arms tightening around her, wondering if he'd fallen asleep on the couch and started having _That Dream_ again. 

That Dream.

Once upon a time, That Dream was of Rachel coming home, of her calling Charlie her family, and her homecoming was followed by the appearance of Jen breezing through the door to greet Charlie with a kiss. Not lately, though. He hadn’t dreamt of Jennifer for some time. Not since before Rachel had gone away. Not since Ted.

Charlie looked past Rachel, looked to the empty space in the door frame. Waited, waiting, wait...

The space remained stubbornly Ted-free. 

So. Not a dream this time. Not that dream or any other.

Charlie returned all his attention to holding Rachel and tried to blink away the moisture that fogged his vision. Those tears indicated happiness. Nothing more. They had nothing to do with the sinking feeling behind his ribs. He had back one half of his missing family, and that was one hundred percent more than he ever thought he'd get again.

"Think I can get in on that hello?" 

Charlie's arms slipped from Rachel's back, nerveless and limp as Ted's dryly ironic voice washed over him.

"Because I'm home now, too, Charlie.” Ted stood at the edge of the door, broad shoulders silhouetted against the bright California sunlight that suddenly seemed so much brighter. He took two steps forward, into the room, closing the gap enough for Charlie to see the warmth and the hope and the hesitation in his big, brown eyes. “I’m… I’m _home_ , Charlie. And I've really missed the hell out of you."

____

Ted couldn’t read the expression on Charlie’s face. Not that Ted had _ever_ had much luck reading Charlie. He was too well-schooled, too in control. Too Charlie. Ted edged forward again, grateful when Rachel reached out to grab his arm and heave him closer. He wasn’t sure he’d have been able to close the gap without her help. She released her grip on his tricep as soon as he was close enough, winding her arm around his waist instead, drawing him to her side, into Charlie’s space.

“Doesn’t Uncle Ted get a hug, too?” Rachel grinned up at both of them, her attitude brazen and breezy, but her eyes worried and dark. 

“I’m sorry I was gone so long, Charl–” Ted’s words cut off as Charlie tipped into him, mouth landing across Ted’s, groaning quietly as he settled himself into the curve of Ted’s arm. And just when _had_ Ted’s arm looped around Charlie’s shoulders– his broad, hard, strong, _perfect_ shoulders? 

Rachel giggled quietly, and the sound was relieved and content, like the sigh of relief that brushed across Ted’s cheek as Charlie turned more fully into him, stepping closer still.

“I’m just gonna go drop this stuff off in my room.” Rachel sounded like she was laughing openly at them now, but Ted couldn’t look away from the bright, pale blue of Charlie’s eyes to check for himself. “You two make good decisions.” There was a pause, and then her voice sounded further away, heading down the hall. “And if you’re _not_ going to make good decisions, then please go upstairs and don’t make them on the couch, okay?”

Ted flailed one hand at her– either in agreement or to hurry her along, he didn’t know– and then forgot all about her as Charlie whispered his name and closed in for another kiss.

The kissing went on and on. Someone growled and someone else gasped, and Ted would never know who made what noise, only that the noises kept happening. Hands shifted restlessly across backs and shoulders and arms and chests, clutched at hips and cupped jaws and brushed through hair, and Ted couldn’t tell where he ended and Charlie began.

“Need you,” Ted managed to whisper around Charlie’s tongue, barely intelligible, but Charlie seemed to get the idea anyway. His hands caught Ted’s hips and he shoved, pushing enough space between them to breathe.

“You just got home, Ted.” Charlie panted hard, eyes wild and hair fluffed and curling. It had grown out in the time Ted was gone. How long _had_ he been gone? Too long, obviously. “You just got home, and I don’t know if… I don’t know… How _long_ , Ted? How long are you gonna stay? What about Olivia?”

“What about–” Ted shook his head. He hadn’t kept in touch as well as he’d thought he had, obviously. Not as well as he’d hoped he would. “No, Charlie. No. There is no…” Ted took a deep breath. “Turns out, Olivia wasn’t the snarky, brilliant red-head I was actually in love with. I think I loved the idea of her. Of how much she reminded me of you. But… well, she has _breasts_ , Charlie. It was easier that way. With the breasts.”

Charlie blinked. Once. Slowly. Much too slowly.

And then his face lit up with a tiny smile, just a hint of the possibility of a shadow of happiness.

“So there’s another red-head you love?” His voice was a hair deeper, a hair rougher than usual. “You gonna tell me about her?”

“Him, Charlie,” Ted answered, reaching out to touch the side of Charlie’s face, to trace over a small constellation in his freckles. “It’s a him. I never thought I’d… I mean, I knew I loved him. But I didn’t know I _loved_ him. Not like that. Not until I was too far away to tell him.”

“Does he love you back?” Charlie asked, teasing now, smile hidden on his face but shining in his eyes. 

“I sure as hell hope so, Charlie. Why don’t you tell me?” Ted stepped forward, and Charlie retreated a step, catching one finger on Ted’s belt loop, pulling him along toward the stairs. “Do you love me, Charlie?”

“I do.” Charlie said it calmly, as if it commenting that the sun was shining or that it was morning. “I love you very much. But I don’t really want to actually have to _talk_ about this, so can I just show you instead?”

“God, yes,” Ted breathed, closing his eyes as Charlie grabbed his hand and began to tow him up the stairs, toward the bedroom and the bed they’d shared, and the heights of orgasmic pleasure that only Charlie seemed to know how to find.

____

**Author's Note:**

> Working Title: Life Fic– It's All Kathar's Fault


End file.
